It is now January 2017 and I sit and wonder how time is going by so fast… I feel like it was just yesterday that I taught my first spin class, and I wasn’t nervous even a little bit. Why? Because my self-confidence could get me through anything.
My message to my fit-family this month is something that is coming straight from my heart. It is a topic that I believe is the most important goal to accomplish of all goals to have. It is something better than any weight loss goal, getting on a stage to perform, looking good in a photo, or even winning any championship game. Self-confidence is the ultimate feeling of self-worth and internal happiness. It something we all struggle with when losing that weight, getting on that stage, taking that photo, and finally winning that championship. There is always a slight doubt of “what if,” and “it’s not good enough,” or “I could have done better.”
Over the past 3 years I have been battling a lack of self-confidence. It is something that I use to take pride in because I was so confident nothing could stop me and no one could tear me down. I believed in myself so much that I would take on anything, anyone, and everything that came at me because I wanted to help or make a difference in whatever came my way. Then, as I began taking on these “opportunities,” meeting new “friends,” and ultimately shifting my career and taking big risks, I started being judged by my “friends,” being rejected by the people that asked for my help in the first place, the “opportunities” failed, and I was getting taken advantage of for my kindness, honesty and confident self.
During these same years, I have also battled many personal struggles that life can often throw at you. I suffered from grief through death and losses in my family. I watched my father fight cancer, a terminal disease that my family and I now need to learn how to deal with. I became distant from my husband, the one person that cheers for me no matter what, because I was bottling up so many thoughts, emotions and insecurities about what was going on around me and I felt out of control of my own self. Life happened, and it felt like all at once and I couldn’t catch up or slow down. I couldn’t be a good friend, wife, sister or daughter because I was losing myself in my own path. I felt like I was having so many breaking points and not enough celebrations. I felt like I was sad more than I was happy, and negative more than I was positive. I was missing out on so many other good things around me. I was lost on the inside and needed to find my way again.
It was actually at the beginning of 2016 I decided that I needed to re-organize my life. Well how do you do that you ask? Day by day, week by week, and month by month. It was not only difficult, but felt never-ending, and often times I doubted if I could find my way again. But, I had made 2016 my year of re-growth and re-building Melina and Melina Fitness, and nothing was going to stop me. I took different steps on different days to humble myself, work on the important things that were right in front of me, my work ethic, was guarded in new “opportunities,” and didn’t put all my trust people who had been in my life for five minutes. I think TRUST was the biggest lesson along the way and hard for me to deal with. I use to believe in people and the goodness of their hearts. I trusted people too easily and this is what ultimately stabbed me in the back. I realized that I had a hard time letting go of people who didn’t like me and really were not good for me or my life. I couldn’t get over the fact that that I had been kind to them and/or tried to help them. In fact, I felt that I was a good friend, the best actually, and couldn’t understand why these people treated me the way they did. I started to understand now where my insecurities and lack of self-confidence was coming from. I was a “people pleaser” and wanted to take over the world and be everyone’s EVERYTHING, but at the end of the day, I was losing Melina.
Melina is the only thing I can control, be supportive of, trust, respect, be honest with, believe in, and create opportunities with. Melina is the reason I wake up every day and the one that pushes me to be better than I was the day before. Melina is the only person I can learn from and the mistakes I made are lessons to make me stronger. I realized that my passion that thrives in everything I do needed to get re-directed by the one person that stropped directing it in the first place, ME.
2016 was a lot of work to make 2017 not only better, healthier, and sure, more successful, but it gave me the will to build my confidence back. My confidence that will enable me to do anything I want and live without hesitations or doubt. It is amazing what happens when you put your mind to it. Trust me when I say that once you are confident in ALL you do and ALL things around you, your path will not get blocked. You will find your way and not care about those who don’t want to be in your life, the mistakes that were made, or the failures you endured. They all happened for a reason and you are the only one that knows what that reason WILL BE.
My goal and “theme” for this year for ALL of my Melina Fitness friends, family, followers, fit-family, clients and NEW friends is to find and keep your CONFIDENCE. It is the only thing that never loses its worth, will never stab you in the back, and always move you forward in this journey called LIFE.
Xoxo, your trainer, motivator & friend… Melina